Satire: Corporal Punishment

Satire: Corporal Punishment

Audolina Verduzco, Staff Writer

 

Any teacher could tell you the struggles of teaching this world’s current generation without any effort. Sometime along the years, students became more distracted and disrespectful. They resorted to spending their school hours glued to their phones or refusing to participate in class activities. Schools no longer can provide students with a learning environment required for success, mostly if their students do not even want to lift a pencil.

Now with a new obstacle, a pandemic with no sign of slowing down, teachers have to put in more effort than ever. High schools everywhere are looking for innovative ways to motivate their students, from rewarding good behavior to promoting fun activities during lunch. But whether these methods are efficient in improving student performance is a different story. In reality, there is no easy solution to helping students feel motivated without the burden of costs.

With not much left to do, it was no surprise that Foothill Highschool looked at past examples to find a solution. It was time to bring back the years before 1986. The good times parents recall so fondly. The times of corporal punishment. From now on, Foothill Highschool has established new regulations with the approval of the educational board that allows teachers to use physical punishments in their teaching.

Already jumping to the opportunity, teachers have added their spin on the new regulations and implemented them into their classes.

“I am really trying to have students advocate for their own learning, so I have set up a few self-flogging stations in the classroom,” English teacher Brett Vickers said.

Others have decided to take a more tame approach to discipline their students.

“In an effort to prepare students for the realities of their future we could have students who don’t do their homework stand outside the classroom every day with a cardboard sign that says ‘need points,’” US History teacher Dave Burns said.

No one class is the same. Truly, the best way to allow teachers to express themselves is through customized weaponry. Students have come to love the changes made to our always attentive school. Many who before would turn in work late are now punctual. Some have even started to turn in their work long before it is due! The students of Foothill High School have not been this busy and motivated in years. This rule has been the next best thing aside from the microwave installed in the cafeteria. 

Although, with new discipline regulations comes unfortunate accidents where a student might not get medical attention in time. When that time comes, teachers have already come up with fun, creative solutions.

“There are always bound to be casualties in the war to teach children,” Vickers said, “And speaking of casualties, we can always use the corpse statues of those children in the event of an active school shooter.”