Satire: Pinches To Punches

Satire: Pinches To Punches

Audolina Verduzco, Staff Writer

Thursday, March 17, the day teenagers take their only colorful item out of their wardrobe. From their once lively, dark fits now turned into a monochrome green to avoid the dangers of the day ahead. That day otherwise known as Saint Patrick’s day, once an Irish holiday brought over by the Irish immigrants as a way to bring a part of their home with them, has turned into another capitalist’s dream. Another one of those holidays in the lost list that has lost its true value to tourism and the long years. With all sorts of vibrant green Saint Patrick’s day merchandise in the shapes of shirts, sweaters, headbands, and socks for all ages! Really, with all the growing variety, it would be easy to spot the unsuspecting victim who happens to forget that with Saint Patrick’s day comes an important tradition. 

The act of pinching has come from many different reasons, whether it is to bully others or for playful fun. Ultimately, Saint Patrick’s day has become an excuse to reasonably pinch somebody suddenly. Where this tradition came from is a real mystery, but one thing is for certain it has never been this fun to get away with tormenting small children who do not know better! Honestly, give it a try! The perfect day for any Dick, Tom, and Harry with an odd enjoyment of seeing crying children. 

Although with teenagers, this fun game can turn pretty extreme. From full debates on whether teal is actually green to examining people’s outfits to the last detail, all to make sure any green less victim is left harmed. In some schools, it is prohibited or heavily discouraged to participate in the action known as pinching. If you ask me, I think what a way to ruin the fun!

Here at Foothill High School, we appreciate all cultural holidays big and small. Christmas, Hanukkah, Easter, Chinese New Year, Juneteenth, and Thanksgiving: you name it, we celebrate it! Unlike the other schools that suppress traditions, such as the ones that come with Saint Patrick’s day, we urge students to participate in any traditions that come with these holidays. Foothill actively strives to be a welcoming environment for all backgrounds. Just don’t look too deep into it. This Saint Patrick’s day will be no different. As always, we have taken this tradition to the next level. With our Foothill spin, we have turned pinching to punching. 

This new stage has taken our own traditions and merged them into Saint Patrick’s day. A new stage that everyone is already familiar with. Allowing students to punch others than pinch has never been a better decision! For this day, the number of fights has decreased incredibly. Numbers have plummeted along with the faces of many students whose friend’s may have accidentally aimed a little too high.

 Some students have created searches in their search for the thrill of a punch. By the entrance doors, before anyone enters, there is a student with the sole purpose of visual inspection. They make sure to turn you around until they see that fateful green on your outfit. If you pass, they nod you along to the next inspection. In there, they thoroughly check if your green garments are truly the perfect shade of green. Passing that last text will mark you free for the rest of the day. The unlucky few who do not pass the inspection have two options. 

Booths littered around campus, set up by clubs ready to take any opportunity. Club members urgently sell bracelets and headbands to save you of any troubles in the hallways. Unfortunately, those who do not carry their wallets 24/7 are cornered by a group of students ready to take out any anger. Of course, there is a limit on each person on how many people they could hit. Although, no one will tattle if you sneak in an extra three. While the nurse may be a bit busier than usual, that again is nothing new. 

The best part of this new integration is that school life in Foothill High School continues without disruption. It has become nowhere near distracting to those focused on studying rather than targeting the defenseless. They continue on with their day.